Paper about Faith Journey

I got this paper on an email from Cliff Nellis. He is the student discussing his faith. You can find him on facebook. I love it when someone digs in to their faith and makes some sense out of things. Sorry I had to print the whole thing here, it is on his facebook page, but I couldn't get a link to it worked out. I hope you take the time to read it all. Italics are mine for emphasis.
God be with you on the Journey!
Kevin

Hey everyone, been doing a lot of reflecting on the last five years of seminary school and ministry experience as I get ready to head out from Trinity, and I wanted to share some of my reflections with you in a note I wrote. Hope you enjoy and I hope you are well…

Going Out with the Greatest First
The endeavor to wrap up five years of seminary school and ministry experience in one final "Philosophy of Ministry" paper is daunting, but I didn't write the syllabus for the M.Div. Capstone class at Trinity, I'm only following it. I would have thought I would have been more excited for this opportunity to wrap up my education and experience in a neatly tailored philosophy of ministry, but in the last two years especially, I've had so many humbling experiences that now more than ever I feel most unqualified to write a "Philosophy of Ministry" paper. As many of you know, I have had several stretching experiences in the last two years that has challenged not what I believe, but how I believe God calls the church to live out what we believe.

When I first became a Christian, I had an intensely vertical view of faith. I was alone on a bicycle trip with my Bible praying, meditating on Scripture, and journaling. My experience of faith and practice was mostly confined to my personal relationship with God and nobody else. After my bicycle trip, I returned to life in community and got plugged into a church, but I still kept this intensely vertical view of faith. I was concerned only about other people's thoughts about God. I believed this was loving my neighbor as myself because, I would say, what people needed more than anything else is to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.

I call this season of my life the "salvific Gospel only" season, which is painting it better than it actually was. My role as a Christian, as I saw it, was primarily to bring Jesus to others so that they might be saved. Because of this, I viewed Matthew 28:16-20 to be the foundation of all ministry. We are to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything Jesus commanded. Evangelism, baptism, and teaching.

I put this in a mission statement I called the "3E Vision." This was the vision..."By the guidance and power of the Holy Spirit, we will: (1) Encourage non-believers to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior (John 1:12-13); (2) Equip new believers with God’s Word (2 Tim. 3:16), and (3) Empower mature believers to take on Christ’s ministry and succeed (1 Cor. 12:12-31, 2 Tim. 2:1-2).

Quite unintentionally and unbeknownst to me, the end result of practicing Christian faith in this way for me was most often overly ambitious judgmental rigid pharisaical Christianity that lacked genuine love and compassion for my neighbor. The goal was numbers. Serving the community amounted almost exclusively to proclaiming and preaching the content and truth of the faith to a non-believing world. Acts of service were primarily evangelistic without compassion and love.

Since I was only concerned with my neighbor's salvation, my inquiry into their life focused almost exclusively on their views of God. I'm not proud to admit this, but at the time, I judged other Christians who concerned themselves with the person and loving their neighbor as people who sold out to the "social gospel," and cared more about temporal matters than things eternal. Looking back, I think of how the Pharisees stood face-to-face with the Gospel perfectly incarnated before them in Jesus Christ as He cared for the sick, suffering, oppressed, and needy, and the only thing the Pharisees could do was quiz Jesus about His doctrine to see if He said the "right" or "wrong" answers.

This is lesson #1 for me -- Pharisaical faith vs. Connecting faith -- My doctrine-oriented faith led me down a path toward judgmental, hypocritical, rigid Pharisaical practice. I didn't care for people or respect them in any meaningful way. I wanted to correct their thinking about God and themselves. I didn't care to connect with them where they were by entering into a loving and supportive relationship with them as we discussed all matters of their life, including God, truth, and faith. Correction preceded connection. I have learned that practicing Christian faith in this way is no longer Christian faith.

Lesson #2 for me -- Agenda-based faith vs. Love-based faith -- By intensely focusing on making disciples, my faith also became agenda-driven and not people-driven. My goal was to build the church by converting and discipling people. When people fell away or didn't receive Jesus, it frustrated me. Evangelism and discipleship are noble Biblical commands, but in practice, I was forceful, controlling, and lacking in love, care, and compassion. My agenda to convert and disciple was more important than the people themselves. I have learned that practicing Christian faith in this way is no longer Christian faith either.

Lesson #3 for me -- Head-based faith vs. Heart-based faith -- Over-emphasis on any practice in the church is not healthy. My over-emphasis on bible knowledge and orthodoxy unquestionably led me down a Pharisaical path that had little understanding or value of orthopraxy (right practice). Knowledge became more important than the incarnation of that knowledge. A heart-based faith still communicates truth, but in ways that are respectful of the person and for their well-being. Heart-based faith communicates truth to others because falsehood and lies hurt people and mislead them into painful sins that only bring them and others death.

Lesson #4 for me -- Judgmental Disdain vs. Compassionate Care -- I am ashamed to admit this as well, but the truth is that my faith tended to be judgmental disdain for sinners and people in need as opposed to compassionate care for sinners and people in need. Judgmental disdain for sinners is hypocrisy because we are all sinners. As for people in need, I would be more likely to tell a hungry homeless person to repent and get a job than I would be to give them food, shelter, and listen to their story. That is frightening given the fact that Jesus teaches us that on our judgment day He will separate the true followers from the goats based on how we treated the least of these (Mtw. 25:31-46).

Lesson #5 for me -- Whole Faith Practice vs. Partial Faith Practice -- Because the practice of my faith was focused so heavily on making disciples, acts of compassion, justice, and mercy seemed secondary or unnecessary, rather than equal, compatible, and necessary acts of loving obedience to Jesus' commands. My over-emphasis on one command took precedence over other equally important and compatible commands.

Thankfully, two experiences in particular helped change the trajectory of my faith practice. One experience was a men's weekend I'll soon have attended three times that got me sharing the hurts and pains of my past with Christian men willing to show me compassion, and through their compassion came healing for those wounds.

The second experience was spending time with the people of Lawndale Community Church, Christian Community Development Association, and Tha House Covenant church. Spending time with people who were more laid back, accepting, wholistic in their practice of faith, and relationally-oriented than me exposed the sinful ways I naturally practiced my faith.

Unfortunately, because I had grown accustomed to the way I practiced my faith, I was not sure what a compassionate, caring, and loving faith looked like. Sadly, in many respects, this kind of faith did not even feel like faith anymore. It felt unproductive and like compromise. Where were the results and productivity? Where is the widespread revival? Listening to people's pains and struggles do not get them saved. Relationships take time and are messy. So where am I today? I'm not throwing the baby out with the bath water. I still believe in evangelism, baptism, and teaching. I still believe sin is rampant and Jesus is the only one who saves. But with respect to my views regarding the main mission of the church, I've made a subtle shift and change in my priorities.

I'm not sure how I missed this the first time around. Jews have prayed this prayer 2-3 times every day for the past 5,000 years (Deut. 6:1-9), Jesus said it is the Greatest Commandment of all (Mark 12:28-31), Paul said the entire law is summed up in it (Gal. 5:14; Rom. 13:8-10), and James called it the royal law (James 2:8). It is the proper response to the Gospel, and at least from where I am standing today, I believe it is the highest aim and purpose of the church: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Matthew 22:37-39; Mark 12:29-31; Luke 10:27).

By placing the Greatest Commandment before all other commandments, I see the world through a relational lens that understands that sin is something that hurts or breaks our relationship with God and our neighbor, and defiles our self in the process. I properly understand repentance to be apologizing to God for my sin and to the person I sinned against, making restitution when appropriate and possible, and restoring love for God and for my neighbor as myself.

By placing the Greatest Commandment before all other commandments, I hope that I will never lose sight of what is most important in any given situation. When I need to take time to listen to someone's pain, I will listen with compassion. When I can share the Good News of Jesus with them, I will share the hope we have in Christ. When I need to stand up for justice in the face of evil, I will have courage to do right. When I need to build someone up with the wisdom and promises contained in God's Word, I will do so in love. When I see someone caught in sin, I will restore them gently. When I see someone struggling, I will walk alongside them in love and support. When I need to meet the needs of someone who is hungry, naked, sick, imprisoned, or thirsty, I will do so joyfully. When I see someone in bondage, I will pray the Lord will set them free. In all things, Jesus said that those who love Him will obey His commands.

It seems, therefore, that all ministry should flow from a genuine love for God, while always remembering that only when I love my neighbor as myself can I rightly claim love for God (Luke 10:25-37, 1 John 4:20). By placing the Greatest Commandment over all other commandments, I line myself with what Jesus said to be the most important command of all, and recognize that the totality of all of Jesus’ commands and Biblical living flow from this central devotion.

So as my time at Trinity draws near to its end, it looks like I'm going out with the Greatest first. If you've come this far with me, thanks for taking the time to read this. I welcome both favorable and unfavorable responses.