What about Divorce for a Christian? Part 2

Taken at face value, we see that Jesus is allowing for divorce under the condition of “marital unfaithfulness” in both Matthew 5:32 and 19:9. In both passages Deuteronomy 24:1 is quoted as part of the discussion about divorce. This passage from Deuteronomy was debated among a couple of the Rabbinic schools of Jesus’ time. One side (Shammai) said that “because he finds something indecent about her” meant adultery. The other school (Hillel) said that same phrase meant that a man could divorce his wife for anything, even burning breakfast. Meaning anything that was displeasing to the man about the woman could be grounds for divorce. This was the debate that the Pharisees in Matthew 19 were trying to get Jesus to enter. But, Jesus in his normal manner talks above the debate. He lays down the law that divorce is not something to be taken lightly. His stance in Matthew puts the issue back on the husband and protects the wife. In the midst of a very patriarchal society, Jesus is standing up for the women, the wives. They cannot be thrown out for just any reason, it had better be a very good one.
So, what is marital unfaithfulness? It is a Greek term, porneia. We can easily see the kinship to the word pornography. What did it mean for Jesus to use this term? Jesus means more than just sexual unfaithfulness as an acceptable reason for divorce. The proper term for just sexual unfaithfulness is used later in each passage – adultery or moykah in the Greek. Porneia is linked to prostitution and is also used figuratively when someone is committing idolatry (Revelation 14:8; 17:2,4; 18:3; 19:2). In the whole book of Hosea the people of Israel are playing the “harlot” or prostitute because of their idolatry. This can especially be seen in Hosea 2. This idolatry is a sin because it is breaking the covenant relationship between God and His people. In Jeremiah 3, this idea of idolatry and breaking of the covenant is linked to divorce. Therefore, marital unfaithfulness is breaking of the marriage covenant in any manner. It is anything that breaks the “oneness” that Jesus quotes in Matthew 19:5-6 from Genesis 2:24.
What kind of real life things break the marriage covenant? This can be a vast number of things. Adultery is only one thing that can break the marriage covenant. Many times the things that are breaking down the oneness in a marriage do involve idolatry. I am sure you can imagine many instances when a spouse “worships” things other than God. This can be idolatry of self, an object (especially a possession), a hobby or someone outside the marriage, but maybe not even in a fully sexual manner. Idolatry of self can lead to many types of abuse of a spouse, especially emotional abuse. You do not have to remain married to someone that abuses you emotionally, physically or mentally, just because they haven’t sexually cheated on you. They are breaking the marriage covenant by abusing you. God doesn’t want you to put you or your children in abusive situations just to keep a marriage that is being broken by the abuse. Abusive spouses tear apart families and create abusers or enablers in their children. I guarantee you that is not God’s plan for the family or marriage. Even hobbies and friendships can be so involved as to break the oneness of a marriage.
Just because the covenant is broken, it doesn’t mean that you have to get a divorce, it just means it is possible. Many marriages have been healed from the most terrible circumstances through prayer and counseling. Sometimes if that doesn’t seem to be working or cannot get started, a time of planned separation can help bring focus to the problems that are breaking down the marriage covenant. The most important thing to understand is that you are not alone in this situation. God is with you, loving you and not judging you. You also have Christian friends, family and ministers that you can lean on. If you have further questions you can contact me.
God be with you on the Journey!
Kevin